I don't care how smart you are. You're also stupid. I don't just mean, below average. I mean, painfully, mind-bogglingly, your-friends-wouldn't-believe-how stupid. You may just not know at what yet. You notice I say, you don't know yet. I've found mine.
Lately, in an effort to sharpen my somewhat cobwebby mind (quick thinking is a must for a television writer), I bought a couple of "mind training" games for my Nintendo DS (can everyone just notice the good use I'm making of the obscenely excessive free swag I got at the Pirates premiere?). So as I've doggedly worked at these little games every day, I've enjoyed watching my "mental age" slowly decrease from a creaky 48 to a svelte and sexy 24.
And then I met my nemesis: the dreaded slide puzzle. You know, the one with all the squares, and you have to slide them one by one into the empty spot left by the last one, thus rearranging them into the right order? Kind of like a 2-D Rubix Cube? Yeah. Those. I can't do those.
I'm not trying to say I'm slow at them. I'm not trying to say that they're difficult for me. What I'm saying is that I could sit in front of one of those puzzles for FIVE HOURS and be no closer to completing it than when I started. My mind simply cannot gain any traction on the problem. I stare helplessly and scoot things around randomly, as though someone had dumped some Farsi Scrabble letters onto a table in front of me and told me to reassemble them into words. I just sit there pushing them around, pushing them around, hoping that I'll mysteriously stumble upon the correct sequence like the proverbial monkey at the typewriter.
Don't laugh at me. You're stupid too. You just don't know at what yet. And when you find it, I don't care if your IQ is 165, you will come crashing down off your pinnacle of intellectual self-importance as you are forced to accept that the first random person you pick up off the street, at the drive-thru, or rooting around in the dumpster behind your apartment is, at this particular thing, smarter than you are.
In an odd sort of way, I think it's good for the soul.
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2 comments:
I'm stupid at gegraphic/compass/spatial stuff. I have gotten so lost so many times. And the thing that pisses me off is that it's so damn sterotypical via the male/female brain thingy. Like, I have to have someone repeat directions to their house eight times before I realize where they live. And when someone says "turn WEST on so-and-so street." Which direction is West?
Trust me... I know SO MANY things of which at, I am stupid!
Like Jenny I am compasstionally challenged.
(sample convo.)
"Turn west."
"What? Left or right?"
"WEST!"
"huh?"
>smash<
Baking. -can't.
Checkbook balancing... don't ask.
Dancing. Uhn uh! laughable.
This list goes on, but I wont! ;)
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